Many times I have heard my clients inadvertently say they want to change another person or want to understand how to get that person to stop doing what they are doing. At the end of the day, we can’t change people, all we can do is work on ourselves. So firstly, rather than talking about that person my client is struggling to understand, I ask them “what do they do to trigger you? Why does this affect you so much?” Once we know our own triggers we can understand that sometimes it’s our perception of the persons’ actions, not the action or intention itself that caused us to react.
But what if it was purposeful? What if that person is just bad!? How do I deal with that?
When you see that person that presses your buttons walking across the room towards you or is at the cafe you are walking to, stop and think of 3 things you value in them. This may allow you to come to the conversation (even a hello) with true kindness and empathy as you are now remembering that they have a good side (yes we all have one). Secondly, think of this person as a human. Many times we forget the human aspect when we are under pressure. This is called “tense field”. So maybe that person doesn’t want what you want in life, maybe they have a different set of morals. Maybe they are going through something in their private life. Not everyone is like you or wants what you want. This is a good thing! We need a little mix in our lives.
Sometimes I think that walking a mile in someone’s shoes would be too long because we don’t need a whole mile, if you can learn to find the human in anyone, in any situation, you may be able to get that mile down to 1 min and then maybe a few seconds. In Psychodrama and Play of Life we call this “Role-Reversal”.
At the end of the day, we are all just learning to become the best versions of ourselves.
Let me know what you think 💫🌱
Let’s walk together.
