Trust your mama instincts more
Too many times on this trip I questioned my instincts and every single time I did, I regretted it. My instincts were always right e.g. I think he needs a snack on this short cable car ride (he definitely did).
I know my son
Not just because he’s my son but also because I’m with him almost exclusively 5 days a week. I know that he’s a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) and know what upsets him, what will overstimulate him and what he needs to regulate. No one else knows it as much as I do, because I’m his mum but because I’m a Highly Sensitive Person myself and know how hard the world can be when you’re sensitive to it. (This carries on with my previous point).
Setting boundaries are hard and worthwhile
I know this as a therapist AND practicing it in my own life is still so very hard. I’m a recovering people pleaser and setting boundaries for myself and my family can be more than hard at times, it can feel on the edge of impossible and yet it’s always worth it in the end.
Communicate your needs when they arise
My husband and I have been working on our communication for the (almost) 10 years we’ve been together. It’s gotten better through applying what I preach (as a previous Relationship Counsellor and now Family Therapist), now even better with parenthood and couples therapy too. Talking with him about how I felt throughout the trip, asking how he felt too and having open conversations helped IMMENSELY! Couples counselling in the past has helped us do this better too.
Don’t apologise for taking time to rest
Of course within reason and respecting other’s time and needs too, it’s so important for parents to take “you time” too. Whether that’s doing a workout, watching a show or in my case reading a book, we need to learn how to take the time to rest and reset with ourselves to then be able to give back to our loved ones. We can’t pour from an empty cup. This should be daily if possible (even a candlelight shower is a great option).
Therapy has been a lifesaver
I’m not talking as a therapist now but as someone who goes to therapy. Without doing the work myself on seeing and holding my past, understanding generational patterns in my family of origin and knowing what my emotions are telling me about my situation, this trip would have been completely different. Therapy saved my mental and physical wellbeing. It’s a completely underrated tool for self-preservation and improvement.
There are a few more learnings I could add here but all would probably be connected to these six. Without rest each day, I wouldn’t have been able to even notice these learnings let alone acknowledge their importance.
If your first response to my recommendation to rest is “I don’t have time” then this is my gentle nudge to question that narrative and shift it to “how can I make time for this”. We need to be at the top of our priority list and that can be very hard to do when we don’t have a role model for it. Looking at the role models of your life of motherhood/parenthood can help to give us an inkling of where our behaviour and where our priority template stems from.
